My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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