Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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