eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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