there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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