Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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