Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
