my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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