I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
