The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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