I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
