They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
