Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
