the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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