There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
