walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
