Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
