sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
