Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
