how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.