i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.