i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
are you so shy because you have an std?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.