The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts