The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...