I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3