in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.