I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
