Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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