I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
