It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize