I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
