im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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