Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My balls are so social today.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
