I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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