Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I met the friendliest cop last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
