Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
