EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
