Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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