Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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