dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
