Barsexuality is the new black.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
