I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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