it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
