I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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