After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
