i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
