Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
