Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
