Will you blow on my dice?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
