the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
