The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
