i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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