i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
