i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
