NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
