Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
