best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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