Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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