Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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