Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
