he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize