It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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