Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
