She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
